Reflections From Visitors

It’s been a little over a month since leaving Cebu for my first visit in 26 years.  It was a trip I’d waited my entire life to take.  Always disappointed when it wouldn’t happen each year I had asked growing up, but I realize now it happened exactly when it was supposed to. 

As a former CSC kid, I spent the first 3.5 years of my life with Sandy, Marlys, and Paul [and a small handful of others who have dedicated their lives to children like me – namely, Auntie Ruth and Auntie Perry].  And then I was adopted by my family and left Cebu to grow up in the States.  I was immersed in the joys of a fantastic childhood and upbringing with my parents, sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and friends.  Despite this, I felt what I always called an “unexplainable void.”  I never understood why I had this feeling and I struggled with it - feeling terrible for even feeling it - because I had such a wonderful life.  My oldest sister, and confidante, remembers nights when I would talk about it; I was in the first grade the first time we shared this conversation.  No matter how great life was going, it was a constant visitor to my thoughts. 

I had a small handful of vague memories of my life in Cebu, but I never knew if they were real or something I’d conjured up.  But I knew I had this other life that involved these other people that didn’t include my family.  This reasonably and justifiably stirred up questions of my past.. questions I knew my parents would never be able to answer.. questions that ultimately delayed [if not paused all together] my growth and maturation as an individual and professional.

I went into my trip with little expectation(s), but hopes of locating my biological mum – fully aware this would be a challenging endeavor.  I didn’t find my birth mum, but I ended up finding so much more.  All these years I thought finding her would fill that ‘void’ I’d felt my whole life, but in the end it turned out reconnecting with everyone from the orphanage was all I was truly seeking.  I'd always viewed 'family' in a slightly different light than many around me, and now I know why.  Everyone [current children and staff included] I had the privilege and honor of meeting and/or being reacquainted with became an extension to my family.  They were my family for three-and-a-half years!  And I am still in disbelief that I can again call them “family” 26 years later.  Neither words nor actions will ever express what reconnecting with all of you did for me.

This was, without a doubt, a remarkable life-changing experience.  The woman, who stepped off the plane at SFO on 12.12.09, was not the same woman who stepped on the plane on 11.26.09.  I finally feel whole, and am ready to take on the world!  I finally made it home.